Really, I’m not old, it’s just a conspiracy

Sigh…Since I can no longer tell the difference between fashion, insanity, or lycanthropy I did some research (which consisted exclusively of quizzing my college-aged cousin.  The lengths I go to for blog accuracy….) turns out that the crazy nails I saw at the yoga studio were in fact a current fashion.

I guess that means I am old and out of touch…

Unless!

The woman next to me really was a werewolf, which as we all know is a contagious condition (if by contagious we mean “someone tried to gut me and eat my spleen as an appetizer, but through some random events, which I don’t quite remember because at the time I was focusing on keeping said guts and spleen private and inside me instead of the werewolf’s mouth, I managed to not die, but now I am doomed to spend some portion of the rest of my like trying to eat the spleen and other squishy bits of innocent bystanders”) and poor nail/claw hygiene could be a side effect of either the condition or the need for extreme time management due to the need for licking blood and guts off face while changing into non-gore soaked clothing, and…

Wait where was I going with this?

Oh yeah – so if she really was a werewolf, then there are obviously others out and about gutting and maiming.  And what with the whole need for speedy changes back into mild-mannered secret identity (sort of like Superman changing back into Clark Kent, but the evil blood splattered demon version) then it is only logical to assume that at various times other werewolves have forgotten to do nail grooming to deal with spleen and blood bits under their nail/claws.

So it isn’t really a current fashion, the blood-red really is blood.  And the other random colors are what the werewolves paint on occasionally trying to trick people (also known as potential future snacks) into not believing in werewolves.

Yes, this all makes so much sense.  Much more reasonable than thinking that I am old and out of touch…

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About woodenmonkey

Just your average solar powered, hybrid driving, organic eating, happily married, pro-choice, feminist Christian artist and writer from San Francisco.

Posted on May 9, 2011, in people baffle me. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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