Even though I don’t have a baby, you should listen to my parenting advice. Because I’m that wise.

I don’t often give parenting advice.  What with not having babies.  Or the ability to keep houseplants alive.

What is wrong with this picture? Blue clothing and blanket are establishing option limiting gender stereotypes at an early age.

But I thought I’d share some advice I recently gave to a woman expecting a baby in six weeks – a woman who suddenly realized that while a friend with the same due date has a picture perfect nursery waiting for their soon to arrive son, and she has done nothing.  Except one childbirth class, and of course that whole building a whole new person thing.  But now she is a little worried that the baby is going to come home from the hospital and have to sleep in a dresser drawer.

What is wrong with this picture? A crazy amount of money and time spent on a room for a tiny baby who won't care.

But I say if you’re worried that you’ll be judged by your adult daughter for not having provided a magazine spread to live in as a tiny infant… well, photo shop some baby photos of your little one into the nursery photo above. And tell your daughter that was her room.

And if she later points out that in other photos of her childhood the room looks totally different, say something along the lines of “you went through a pretty destructive stage as soon as you could crawl, but we love you anyway…”

See, that way you’ve gone from feeling guilty, to making her feel like she owes you something.

What is wrong with this picture? Um, it's a baby, not a puppy. Babies need blankets. Really, you should know this stuff.


About woodenmonkey

Just your average solar powered, hybrid driving, organic eating, happily married, pro-choice, feminist Christian artist and writer from San Francisco.

Posted on May 12, 2011, in the typing makes me sound busy. Bookmark the permalink. 3 Comments.

  1. 😉
    who are you talking about?!??!

  2. woodenmonkey


    I’m sure you don’t know her. Because I clearly would never write about someone who might read it here.

    Also – I recently realized you aren’t a native English writer, and now I feel somewhat inferior to you. When I think about how stylish you are I feel vastly inferior to you. Sigh. Good thing I at least have all that excellent parenting advice to feel good about, huh?

  3. My baby pictures show me in a dresser drawer. When I was one we lived in a tent for six months. It never impacted how I felt towards my parents.

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