This is how the disaster zone in my right shoe got started…

This is an illustration of gout. Which I do not have. What I do have is advice: never google "swollen foot" images while eating lunch. Very not appetizing. You've been warned. Though it you ignore my warning, I want to go on record as saying my swollen foot is much better looking.

An Open Letter To My Left Foot,

Seriously?  What, were you jealous of all the attention the broken right foot was getting?  Is this why you’ve begun to swell?

To be fair, it is mostly the second toe.  Not the whole freaking foot.  But, still.   This is how the right foot started.  Can you not see that this isn’t fun?

Please please please don’t be broken as well.  This would suck with a capital S.  (The S would stand for screaming and shrieking.  No one wants this.)

So how about I prop you up in front of the fan and the television this afternoon.  A nice quiet day where I sit on my ass, and you stop swelling and hurting.  Doesn’t that sound way more fun that getting your own ugly “shoe” that is as hot as it isn’t attractive?

And to make it extra special fun, I’ll get you an ice-pack.  And a cold glass of wine for me.

See, now the right foot is jealous of you!

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About woodenmonkey

Just your average solar powered, hybrid driving, organic eating, happily married, pro-choice, feminist Christian artist and writer from San Francisco.

Posted on July 8, 2011, in Retro post (which is another way of saying I forgot to post it when I wrote it). Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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