Feeling Regal

I'm thinking this is a good look for me.

So I was at a workshop yesterday, me and my broken foot perched on a stool, and I needed more supplies. I said to the women sitting next to me. “You know, I was going to ask where the extra pieces are, but I realized I don’t care where they are, I just want someone to hand it to me.”

And they were fabulous, fetching anything I needed all afternoon.

And this morning I was at church, and when it came time for communion, I realized there was no way my crutches and I were going to fit between the pews.  I go to the early service, which is more sparsely attended, so I had to lean into the aisle to get the attention of the closest woman.  “Um, I’m not going to be able to make it there.”  So she kindly sent the women with the bread and the ‘let’s call it they symbolic blood of Christ, because it certainly isn’t wine, and calling it grape juice loses a bit of the majesty of the ceremony‘.  I’ve never had pew service before.

Strangers at my beck and call, catering to my needs.  It’s like I’m queen.  But without the fancy hat.  Except for the broken foot and the pain and the ugly ‘shoe’ and the crutches, I could get used to this.

If you think about it , a scepter looks a lot like a magic wand. Except instead of being able to grant wishes, you can beat people who aren't doing what you want. So then they'll wish they'd just given you what you needed in the first place. So I guess it really is a magic wishing wand. Were original sceptres were just sticks kings and queens used to beat people until they got what they wanted?


Ooh – never had an update before.  Feel so official.

Turns out sceptres were in fact used for hitting.

Okay, originally they were staffs or walking sticks.  But they were also used as “a weapon of defence and assault.”  And then evolved into a status symbol of royalty.

Defence and assault?  Totally wacking sticks. Jewel embellished wacking sticks, yes, but still wacking sticks.


About woodenmonkey

Just your average solar powered, hybrid driving, organic eating, happily married, pro-choice, feminist Christian artist and writer from San Francisco.

Posted on July 10, 2011, in ouch. Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. I tore a ligament in my ankle a few years ago and had to spend time on crutches and walking with a cane, it sucked. I only found people to be helpful some of the time (except that time I missed the bus and a young lady made the bus driver stop and came back to help me to the bus) but not always. I even got honked at once because it took me longer than the light to cross the street. I spent most of my time being angry (it was quite painful), so maybe that didn’t help. I did get some really great help in a Safeway once, and while the people at Superstore lent me a wheelchair to get around the GIANT store, they didn’t do much else. Maybe what I was missing was a beatin’ stick.

  2. Clearly doctors need to issue a beating stick along or mood stabilizers when they release the broken footed/legged into world. Possibly both.

    Oh! Maybe they are already are. I mean, crutches, canes – really, they’re handing big sticks to people irritable from pain. It is like they are expecting us to beat irritating bystanders. (Who are taunting us with their ability to stand pain free).

    Huh. I believe it was the lack of jewels and ornamentation that were confusing me. Clearly I need to find a Bedazzler and get busy. Then everyone will respect the power of the sceptre and stay out of my way. Or at least out of my reach.

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