Just Call Me “Relatively Healthy But Sadly Consistently Broken Gal” (title does not come with super powers or a cape)

I can’t believe women had to lead productive lives while wearing one of these.
(and…I can’t believe I’m envious how much better looking these are than modern back braces…)

Remember that whole “stuck in a wheel chair for six months and really should have been longer, but I started having horrible back pain, because we apparently weren’t evolved to sit on our ass for half a year” thing?

Well, history repeats itself.  Not the wheelchair, thank goodness.  But the back giving me trouble – if you define trouble as feeling like I’ve been kicked or beaten (or both) in the lower back and breathing hurts.

Physical Therapy is my continuing part-time job (but a really sucky one, where I pay instead of getting paid, and twice a week have horribly painful things done to me for which I say thank you to Mr. M when he is done making me cry).  And I have pills that help a bit, but interfere with my ability to do important things like drive, or have a cocktail.

So my newest accessory is a back brace.  And my new hobby is trying to dress so no one knows I have a back brace on.  Because after almost two years of casts and wheelchairs and crutches and canes, this is the lamest ugliest thing I’ve been stuck with yet.

Big, white, velcro and polyester, lumpy, and weirdly noisy. So not what is in style for 2013.

ARGH!!!  It suddenly occurred to me that I wasn’t really sure what is in style for 2013, and I thought I should check to make sure corsets weren’t suddenly on the ‘hot’ list.  Do Not do this!  Because you might find photos of women – contemporary women! – who clearly have overdone it on the corset lifestyle and have freakishly tiny wasps waists.  I’m not sure how they haven’t’ snapped in two.  Or ruptured internal organs.  (Yes, a graph of how corsets move internal organs around popped up too.)

I think I need to wash my eyeballs.  Mostly because that is as close as I can get to scrubbing the images out of my brain….



About woodenmonkey

Just your average solar powered, hybrid driving, organic eating, happily married, pro-choice, feminist Christian artist and writer from San Francisco.

Posted on January 3, 2013, in ouch and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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