The One Where I Blather About Rhinopharyngitis and Bananas

I was feeling sorry for myself for having a bad cold, and missing out on all sorts of fun this week, when two pieces of banana news reminded me that my life is pretty good even with the mucus factory in my head.

Banana Item #1:

Photo: Piping needs work, but should still taste good.

So much better than flowers! 

This is a banana cream tart.  Made by my friend Ann.  Who is going to culinary school.  And who delivered it to my house. Yes, I got to eat her homework.

Banana Item #2:

Banana Flambe.

Not the tasty culinary school kind (Though Ann, if this ends up on the class rotation, I’d love to try that!)  Nope, I’m talking about Banana Boat, the popular beach cologne sunscreen line, is under recall. Because of a what the company is calling “adverse effects” caused by the sprays.

“Adverse Effects” in this case refers to the fact that their product may potentially ignite on the user’s skin if they come into contact with a flame before the spray is completely dry.  Which has happened FIVE times.  So, yeah, recall.

Of course if you read the warning label on their product it says “Flammable: do not use near heat, flame, or while smoking.” The first listed inactive ingredient is denatured alcohol. So it’s always been flammable, they knew it was flammable, and now they are recalling it for be flammable.  Well, not really.  They are recalling it because the spray bottle  shoots out more sunscreen “than is typical in the industry for continuous sun care sprays.” The product takes longer to dry — and remains flammable until it’s completely dry.  And also because, duh, FIVE people caught on fire.

So basically we’ve all being lying in the sun covered in a flammable substance.  Like lighter fluid. Hmm.

vintage 9183 Vogue BATHING SUIT & beach coat sewing pattern (50s) (UNUSED) (sz14/B34)

Might be time to dump the sun screen
and bring back the big hats and cover ups.

 

 

When someone says this to you before 8am, it’s hard for the rest of the day to be more interesting…

I never carry live poultry in my bag.
Now I feel kind of boring.

“I once took three ducks to the mall in my backpack.  I rode the bus to get there.  Everyone at the mall thought it was fun to watch me with them.  Of course by the end of the day my backpack was ruined.”

My memory is excellent. Except when it isn’t.

I’ve been happily recommending the book “Strange Fishes” to people all week.  Yeah, my memory is excellent like that…

We had dinner with my folks the other night, and I mentioned that my book group was reading a book on Hawaiian history.  Turns out my mom was also reading a book about Hawaii.

So we immediately had an argument.  Over the Hawaiian flag.

After awhile I finally thought to ask, “Mom, are you reading historical fiction?”  And yes she was.  But even though I was reading a non-fiction, researched book, it took a while for her to concede that just possibly that I was on the factual side of the argument.

(My faulty memory for titles, and my non-interesting blog post aside, Unfamiliar Fishes is an excellent read, and you should get your hands on a copy.)

My Doctor Has Low Expectations… and I meet them!

Today was my annual exam.  It’s confirmed, I have a heart and lungs and a pulse and blood pressure.

Also confirmed, my doctor has low expectations.

Me:  “What should my goal weight be?

Dr:  “Oh, you aren’t going to like the answer”

Me:  “How bad could it be?”

Dr:  “It’s about BMI rather than weight.  And they’ve changed the recommendations, they’re almost draconian.”

Me:  “Changed?  What are they?”

Dr:  “It used to be a BMI of 26 was okay, then it changed it to 25.  But now its supposed to be between 23 and 24.”

Me:  “Really?”

Dr:  “It’s almost impossible for someone your age.”

Me:  “I think I’ve got a BMI of 23.”

Dr:  (pauses to calculate)  “23.  You’re right.  So you’re good.”

Um…. I am so not living in a body at its ideal weight.  I should know, I’ve seen me naked…

Just Call Me “Relatively Healthy But Sadly Consistently Broken Gal” (title does not come with super powers or a cape)

I can’t believe women had to lead productive lives while wearing one of these.
(and…I can’t believe I’m envious how much better looking these are than modern back braces…)

Remember that whole “stuck in a wheel chair for six months and really should have been longer, but I started having horrible back pain, because we apparently weren’t evolved to sit on our ass for half a year” thing?

Well, history repeats itself.  Not the wheelchair, thank goodness.  But the back giving me trouble – if you define trouble as feeling like I’ve been kicked or beaten (or both) in the lower back and breathing hurts.

Physical Therapy is my continuing part-time job (but a really sucky one, where I pay instead of getting paid, and twice a week have horribly painful things done to me for which I say thank you to Mr. M when he is done making me cry).  And I have pills that help a bit, but interfere with my ability to do important things like drive, or have a cocktail.

So my newest accessory is a back brace.  And my new hobby is trying to dress so no one knows I have a back brace on.  Because after almost two years of casts and wheelchairs and crutches and canes, this is the lamest ugliest thing I’ve been stuck with yet.

Big, white, velcro and polyester, lumpy, and weirdly noisy. So not what is in style for 2013.

ARGH!!!  It suddenly occurred to me that I wasn’t really sure what is in style for 2013, and I thought I should check to make sure corsets weren’t suddenly on the ‘hot’ list.  Do Not do this!  Because you might find photos of women – contemporary women! – who clearly have overdone it on the corset lifestyle and have freakishly tiny wasps waists.  I’m not sure how they haven’t’ snapped in two.  Or ruptured internal organs.  (Yes, a graph of how corsets move internal organs around popped up too.)

I think I need to wash my eyeballs.  Mostly because that is as close as I can get to scrubbing the images out of my brain….